B.A.C.A. (Bikers Against Child Abuse)

B.A.C.A

(Bikers Against Child Abuse)

 

Good Morning to the all my amazing readers. I know I should write more often, so my New Years resolution is to do so. Today let’s talk about a very sensitive subject: child abuse. It’s sad that this should even be a topic of discussion, but it happens every day. What are children? Children are gifts from God given to us to learn new lessons and teach them the lessons we have already learned for ourselves. “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”  They are innocent little souls that look up to us as their role models and should feel protected when doing so. What kind of role models do we want to be? Our kids are our future so why not be the best role model for them.

 

“All kids need is a little help, a little hope and someone who believes in them” ~ Magic Johnson

 

This quote brings me to B.A.C.A. What, or who, is B.A.C.A. you might ask. B.A.C.A. is a great group of citizens known as “Bikers Against Child Abuse.” These great citizens give children that have been abused the help, hope and belief in them to face their fears and be a stronger individual. This is an amazing group of courageous souls that are on the road to make this a better world for our children to someday lead. Abuse is one of the worst events a child can experience and it makes them feel scared and alone. Then they have to go through the legal system and face their abuser all over again. This can be one of the scariest processes for a child because their abuser becomes some type of supervillain in their eyes. This is where B.A.C.A comes in as a type of knight in shining armor for them. Not only do they go through the legal process as moral support for the child, but they also make home visits to make the child feel safe again. When a little child walks with these courageous citizens known as B.A.C.A., they feel ten feet tall and are full of confidence. Support this group to make this a better and safer place for our children. http://bacaworld.org/

 

I will leave you with this thought and some beautiful quotes that touched my heart. Til next time…

 

“Every child is a different kind of flower, and all together make this world a beautiful garden”

 

“The child who knows unconditional love has the greatest gift the world could offer”

DON'T REVICTIMIZE THE VICTIM

Don’t Re-victimize the victim

Good Morning to all my readers, I know I have been missing in action lately. Between work and kids I hardly get time to write but I need to put some time aside to write. I hoping everyone is doing well and keeping warm for the holidays.

Today I want to discuss how victims get victimized over and over again. I lost a very good friend of mine due to being victimized to the point that she could not take it anymore so took her own life, leaving two beautiful children behind. I had a dream about her last night and I felt as though she wanted me to share her story to bring awareness to others. Rumors and gossip might just be a form of entertainment to some people but it can destroy another’s life. I will start her story by a couple quotes that touched me…

“Men are not always the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women's denigration of themselves.”  ~ Betty Friedan

“We are victims of evil customs. It is a crime against humanity that our women are shut up within the four walls of the houses as prisoners. There is no sanction anywhere for the deplorable condition in which our women have to live.”  ~ Muhammad Ali Jinnah

“People don’t die from suicide, they often die from sadness”  ~ unknown

“Always be careful of what you hear about a woman. Rumors either come from a man that can’t have her or a woman who can’t compete with her.”  ~ unknown

I was in my late teen years and my friend was quite older than I was. Regardless of age, we became great friends. She had just gotten married at the time and she was excited to begin her new life with the man that she loved.  The way her eyes lit up as she spoke of him renewed my faith in love. Little did either of us know, things would change within a few months? We had lost contact during this time. I was at a local store when I saw her again. She seemed different…she avoided eye contact. It felt as though the life had been drained out of her. I rushed over to her and gave her the tightest hug I could and as we stood there, I felt her trembling in my arms. When I finally let go to look at her, I was shocked. She had a black eye and bruises on her neck. She began to get emotional as she looked back at me. I could see the pain and suffering in her eyes.

I took her with me to get coffee and as we sat at the table, she poured her heart out to me. She told me how her dream had turned into a nightmare. Her husband had begun doing drugs and he was having an affair on her. When she would question him, he would get angry and beat her. He was extremely controlling…to the point where he kept her isolated from everyone. After realizing what had become of her life, I began trying to find ways to get her out of the toxic relationship that was slowly killing her inside. After discussing all that had happened with her family, we were able to discuss a divorce. Luckily, she did not have any children to keep her tied to him, so we were able to get her divorced.

After leaving him, she blossomed again. She became that fun, happy person she once was before her marriage. We would constantly spend hours talking about the future and what we wanted to do. We would laugh and cry together…we had become the close friends we were back in my teenage years once more. After a year, her family had begun to pressure her about marriage once more. They told her that people were talking and she should get married again while she is still young. After constant nagging, she had finally agreed to get married again.

Her parents found the perfect guy. They were family friends and he was a really great person. He stayed away from drinking and he never smoked. He was a very family oriented man, or that’s how he was described. She agreed to marry this “perfect man” to please her family, but he began to show his true colors after marriage. He would constantly taunt her about being divorced or, as he put it, “a throw away.” He said his marriage to her was a marriage of convenience. She spoke to her parents about it but they just brushed it under the rug saying that she has already been divorced once and divorcing another man will only cause more gossip. As parents always say “what are people going to say. “ The emotional abuse continued to get worse but she put up with it. She gave birth to a son and a year later, she gave birth to a daughter. They were the apples of her eyes. Even though the abuse from her husband was unbearable, she kept going for the sake of her children. But with time, the emotional abuse became physical abuse. He cracked her ribs and broke her nose but her parents kept saying, “it will get better.”

She reached a point where she finally stood up and refused to put up with his abuse any longer. She was worried because his abuse began effecting their children, so she left him. She called me to pick her up, and I did. I told him if he was to come near her again, I would personally call the police on him and get him deported. I stood with her as she went through the legal process. She was given soul custody of her children and her ex-husband took off to India to find a new wife to torture. My friend’s family dis-owned her for getting divorced twice and the Indian community tabooed her.  She was judged by all and called names. She would go to the temple for some peace but instead was looked at and talked about by other women. Women would not talk to her and told their children not to play with her kids. So now, not only was she effected but so were her innocent children.

She would return home and cry to herself. She woke up every morning trying to find the strength to make it through another day. She felt as though she was being kicked while she was already down. She fell into depression. I would talk to her on the phone as often as I could to try and cheer her up. I would pick up her kids and take them to the park to give her a break and give them a few hours of peace and happiness. She tried hard to fight back. One day she found that she couldn’t fight anymore. Constantly being victimized took her to a point of no return, so she gave up and took her own life as her children slept soundly in the next room.

Can you imagine what she must have gone through? Can you imagine being in her shoes? What was her fault in all this? Why must we be so close minded that we forget that we are also women? We have daughters, sister and mothers…what if this happened to one of them? Why does a woman become another woman’s worst enemy? We all need to stand together and bring awareness to this issue. It happened years ago but it feels like just yesterday. It still happens to this day. I still go to the temple and hear women talking about other women. It breaks my heart because these women don’t even realize how badly their words victimize the other human being.

If you have nothing good to say about another, don’t say anything at all. My belief is that gossip and spreading rumors is a sin, not only to spread but also to listen to. Please bring awareness to this issue and support the ones in need. Stop judging and love one another so that this world can be a better place for all.

Leaving you with another quote….til next time. GOD bless J

 

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” ~ Mother Teresa

Can Stress Make You Shut the World Out?

Good Afternoon all, I just wanted to share two touching stories with you to kick off the new year.
As I was going through my usual day about a couple months ago, I ran into a very kind friend. She was so full of life and cared for everyone and everything around her. She was such an amazing human being. Have you ever met a person that you never knew before, but for some odd reason you feel this connection with them? As I got to know her better, I got to know of all the stress she deals with in her life. Looking at her, you would think that she had the most amazing life. As I continued to listen to her stories and heard all the awful things that had happened… All I could say was: "how are you so cheerful everyday with all this going on?" She told me in a very soft tone: “there is someone out there somewhere in a worst situation than mine. I have two legs that can walk the world, two arms that can embrace, two eyes that can see the beauty, two ears that can hear the music. I have seen people with that are not blessed with all this yet they still smile. How petty of me would it be to cry over things that can be eliminated from my life?" She was such a strong woman. She found the positive in all her negative and smiled.

A few weeks back, I was walking and saw a man walking down the street. He was lost in his own little world. He was having a very pleasant conversation with someone beside him that I could not see. I stood there and watched him pass right by me and he did not even acknowledge me. He walked the street but no one else acknowledged him either. I could not stop thinking about him. He was an older man with very dirty clothes on which led me to believe he was probably homeless. I spoke to a good friend of mine and she told me about him. She told me his story. He was a very well off man. Life just hit him really hard. He lost everything and all relationships around him turned sour. One thing after another, it all weighed him down. He lost interest in everything and everyone. He locked himself in his own little world.

We decide how we are going to be affected by stress or hurt that is given to us by others or situations around us. We can find positive in the negative or lose ourselves and live in a locked world. Stress is all around us, please find positive in all negative situations. Life is too short and every problem is temporary. I will end my thought with a quote…

“Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” ~Hans Selye 

“A positive attitude may not solve all our problems but that is the only option we have if we want to get out of problems.” ~ Subodh Gupta author
 

There is an Innocent Child in Everyone

Good Morning All,

I apologize for disappearing on you. I got a new job and over that my other full time job of being a mom. I finally have my time more organized now, so here I am to reconnect with you all. I am working for the public defender’s office now and I totally love my new job. It has given me a different perspective on life. I see the world from both sides now. I previously worked as a victim’s advocate before I moved to a new state. The advocate in me lives on as I see the other side of the table. No one is born bad, it is simply the consequences in life that sometimes steers them in the wrong direction.

In my own life I have seen the worst of people do best of deeds. One often wonders:  what makes people do what they do? That is a million dollar question. If only we can understand each individuals mind. After a bit of research, I have come to realize that a lot of these men in prison were once an innocent child. Be it for popularity or financial situations, they chose the wrong exit off the freeway of good.  A child is born so innocent, so ready to explore this world, the very same world we know to leave us fearful at times. The first few years they see the world through the eyes of their parents. As they grow a little older and make friends, they begin learning lessons for themselves.  Not everyone is blessed with a stable home, loving families, or role models that can hold their hand and show them right from wrong.

“The only time you should look down at someone, is when you are helping them up.” Jesse Jackson

In my line of work as a children’s advocate, I have met many children that were neglected and abused. Now, if these children cannot be placed in a safe and loving environment…where do you see them heading in their future? It is easy to sit at home and judge these kids that later enter a crime filled life. While we tuck our kids in bed and kiss their foreheads goodnight, there is a child out there with no food, no warm bed and one who gets beat before crying themselves to sleep. Yes, we live in a world with all this. Not all children who are abused or neglected choose the negative path, but a high number do. They are so tired and frustrated with their lives being so difficult. They start to hate everything and everyone around them. They build a wall around the innocent child that lives deep inside them. After all, when you have only received pain from those closest to you, how can you expect anyone else to be any different?

These people can be helped but with love and care. You can touch a life; give a safe home to a child. Give this child that loving family that they crave. What you do for a child today will shape their future to give them a better tomorrow. What you do for them today, they will do for another tomorrow. I can go on and on about this subject but I will end my thought by saying “Pay it forward.”

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.” Mother Teresa

"Women Abuse is Child Abuse"

Good Afternoon All, it is such a beautiful day out today. The sun is out with a cool breeze. I had the best early morning run. Let’s discuss a little bit more about domestic violence and how it affects our whole family, especially our children. Children always watch what we do, no matter what anyone says these kids are affected by our actions…

Here are some stories of different women in different parts of the world facing domestic violence: http://womenthrive.org/DVAM?gclid=CN_1neKh57kCFYw1QgodCkUA0g

“Don’t do what you don’t want to see your child do. If you don’t want your child to be what you are today, be what you want your child to be in future.”

Children learn from watching adults. Be a good role model so that your children can have a happier future. When a husband/partner abuses their spouse for whatever reason, they think that the only person they are harming is the one they are abusing. But if there are children in the relationship, the children are also being affected. Children are also victims of abuse even if they are just by-standers. When children watch their mothers being abused, they are subjects to second-hand abuse. I use this term to show how a child becomes a victim just by watching the abuse. Children learn most of their behaviors at a young age from watching the adults in their lives. A child that witnesses his/her parent being abused usually keep to themselves, they grow up with a low self-esteem. The child feels helpless because they can’t protect their parent. A lot of the time these children blame themselves for the violence in their homes. In some situations, a child will do anything and everything to keep the abusive parent happy even if that means they will mistreat their mothers themselves. By keeping silent, you are not only putting yourself at risk but also your child at risk. This child can grow up to either be an abuser or a victim of abuse because this becomes a normal way of living for them. Children witnessing abuse puts them in a more vulnerable place for a stranger to take advantage of the child because this child will warm up to the first person that gives them some positive attention. There are predators out in the world that look for vulnerable children that they can take advantage of. STOP domestic violence to give your children safer and happier lives and a stronger future!! I would like to leave you with a nice quote…

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”  ~Frederick Douglass

 

Brave Men known as Police Officers

Good Morning All, it is Monday morning…meaning moon day. I heard some very sad news this weekend and it just broke my heart. An officer in Indianapolis, IN was shot and killed while saving a life of a victim of domestic violence. Today let’s talk about our brave officers that make our safety their top priority and put their lives on the line for us…

Link to the latest death of an officer saving a DV victim: http://www.indystar.com/article/20130921/NEWS/309210029

“My heroes are those who risk their lives every day to protect our world and make it a better place - police, firefighters and members of our armed forces.” ~ Sidney Sheldon

Yet another officer falls to save a life of a victim of domestic violence. He gives his life to save life of a stranger. We are all guilty of getting upset at officers when they pull us over and give us a ticket. We never see the full picture and are quick to hate. Do you ever think that this was God’s will that this officer stopped us from something big or wrong that could have happened? We could have gotten into a big accident driving at the high speed and killed ourselves or even other innocent people. The officer, who just gave you a ticket for whatever amount, might have just saved your life. The police officers are just doing their job, it is nothing personal and they are trying to protect and serve. Can you imagine this world without police officers? Can you imagine the crime rate? If you think crime rate is bad now, imagine what it would be like without these brave men that become officers to protect us. We sleep at night in peace because there are brave men in form of police officers that stay awake all night to protect us. They are also someone’s sons/daughters, sisters/brothers, husbands/wives, and fathers/mother. They have families that worry for their well beings also. Almost every day an officer falls protecting a complete stranger, a person they have no relation with but still fight hard to protect. On Friday night, Officer Rod Bradway gave his life to save the life of a victim of domestic violence and her child. These are our TRUE heroes… the ones that jump in to save us not once thinking about their own lives. They put their lives at stake to protect the lives of others. With great respect, I SALUTE all our officers that work hard day and night so that we can sleep peacefully and comfortably in our beds!! I will leave you with a little poem that touched me….

“Place a light in your window, make sure it is blue
Reminding friends, an officer gave a life for you
Give light to their remembrance, the color is sad
To family left by officers who knew them as Dad
It isn’t the money, most definitely not the hours
They aren’t comic book hero’s with unnatural powers
They’re simply human beings who place life on the line
Place a blue light in your window, let their memory shine!”
By Gene Rooney November 29th, 2007

A SMILE CAN GO A LONG WAY

Good morning all, it is a beautiful start of the day. Let me start by saying, I am growing in the world of technology, I just got a Galaxy S4 and I love it. I am like a little kid with candy, happy as can be. Today let’s talk about how a far a smile can go… SMILE is a sign of kindness and it touches the heart.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around”.  ~Leo Buscaglia

I went to a conference a while back and I really enjoyed listening to this public speaker. What really touched me was her story about a young lady. The public speaker was walking down the street after a long day at work and passed by a young lady; the public speaker gave her a big smile and nodded her head as a gesture of hello. I am sure you have all done that as a part of habit to smile and say hello. To the public speaker whom I will call Julie, it was just another day walking down the street she always walked after a long day at work. But that day a miracle happened which she was a part of but she did not find out about the miracle until a couple of weeks later. As she was walking the same route she always walked, she ran into that young lady again that she had smiled at few weeks back. The young lady approached Julie, thanked her and gave her a big hug. Julie looked confused because she did not know this girl and did not know what she had done for her. So the young lady explained to Julie what a blessing she was in her life and that few weeks back she had left her apartment to go commit suicide as she was so tired of all the issues she was facing. On that day she passed by Julie and Julie gave her a BIG smile, that big smile gave her hope and made her want to live life. That smile told her that there are good people in this world that care. Julie was so touched by this young lady and made it a point to smile at everyone she passed. It was that one smile that saved this girl’s life. When I heard this story I was so touched that I, myself made a point to smile at everyone that crossed my path. One morning as I went to work, I crossed a gentleman that I smiled at and wished him a good morning. As he passed he turned around and said “Thank you for that smile, I needed it today.” You don’t know who you will save with just a simple smile. William Arthur Ward said it so well, “A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” Smiling can help ourselves as well as others and guess what, it’s free… it does not cost a penny. Live, love and spread happiness. I will leave you with another wonderful quote…

“A smile is happiness you’ll find right under your nose.”  ~ Tom Wilson